Support Strategies for Children During Marital Separation/Divorce

Prepare your students to assist children and families effectively during the challenging period of marital separation and divorce by incorporating these practical strategies into your course. These tips can be used to facilitate in-class discussion and ensure that learners have the necessary tools to support their clients compassionately and professionally.

1. Understand the impact of divorce on children.

Marital separation involves stressful and difficult transitions for children and parents. It is common for children to show some behavioral changes in response to such transitions. There are parenting strategies that can help you and your children cope effectively with your family situation.

2. Prepare your children for the changes involved in a divorce.

Give children information about family changes in a way they can understand. Tell children in advance about the changes they are about to experience.

3. Accept children’s feelings and encourage talking about them.

Help your children learn to talk about their feelings and express feelings in acceptable ways. When children can put their feelings into words they are much less likely to act out inappropriately.

4. Reassure your children.

Make sure that your children know that you love them and that you will take care of them. Inform your children that you are divorcing the other parent, not them. Provide assurance that a parent’s love for a child is a special kind that does not stop

5. Allow your children to be children.

Avoid having your child take on too many adult responsibilities. Discussing family finances with them or telling them that they are now the “little man or woman of the house” can be a burden. Instead, encourage them to become involved in school activities, clubs, or hobbies that develop their own strength and abilities.

6. Give children permission to love both parents. Support your children’s relationship with their other parent.

Children benefit from a positive relationship with each parent; a consistent schedule of when children will be with each parent is very important. Also, not talking in a negative way about the other parent can allow your children a healthier relationship with both parents.

7. Problem solve together.

Talk with your children about how to make things better or more comfortable for them.

8. Work on your relationship with your children.

Set aside special time to spend with each child, doing things together such are reading, playing a game, or taking a walk.

9. Keep conflict away from your children.

Keep arguments with your former spouse as far away from your children as possible, especially if they involve verbal or physical aggression. Intense conflict between parents is likely to lead to adjustment problems in children. Do not use your children as messengers or as weapons to get back at your former spouse.

10. Maintain as much structure and predictability in your everyday routine as possible.

Children thrive on routine, including regular bedtimes, having meals together, and consistent rules. Setting limits on children’s inappropriate behavior helps children feel safe and communicates to them that you will provide order and control when they are not able to do so.

11. Listen to children’s verbal and non-verbal communication.

Listen to what your children say and watch what they do. Remember children often state things indirectly. For example, “I hate the woman you’re dating” may mean “I am worried that you like her more than me.”

12. Take care of yourself.

Reach out to resources such as trusted friends, family members, support groups, members of the clergy, and mental health professionals. Research has emphasized the important link between parents’ emotional and physical well-being and children’s healthy development.

Supporting children and families through marital separation and divorce can be overwhelming for new providers. Give your learners a foundation for success with these tips and more. Adopt A Practical Guide to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Screening, Evidence-Based Assessment, Intervention, and Health Promotion, by Bernadette Melnyk and Pamela Lusk today!