Behind the doors of a sex therapist, clients seek understanding, acceptance, and answers.  But how can mental health professionals help their clients achieve these goals?  Dr. Stephanie Buehler, a licensed psychologist, sex therapist and a recognized author, invites you to “Step Into My Office” with monthly sidebars taken from her own experience.

Couples where the male ejaculates quickly may feel that they are missing out on the emotional closeness brought by intercourse. Unfortunately, partners are note always kind when a man cannot control his ejaculation. They may feel that their partner is being inconsiderate and has no interest in whether or not they achieve orgasm. In single men, early ejaculation can create low self-esteem and an unwillingness to enter into a new relationship, particularly if past partner expressed disappointment. In all men, the shame of early ejaculation can lead to avoidance of sex and low desire.

STEP INTO MY OFFICE

Jason called on a Tuesday morning, demanding to be seen quickly. It seems that his marriage had been on a precipice, and he had systematically gone about making repairs through several weeks of concentrated couples therapy. Now that his relationship was stable, Jason, a successful business man who traveled the world looking at investments, wanted to tackle a longstanding problem that he wanted to discuss in my office today!

What was this pressing issue, I wondered? His hurry should have clued me in: He complained of early ejaculation. After listening to him tick off all the things he had done to right his marriage—cut his travel, participated in family functions, took his wife out on weekends— satisfying his wife sexually was the last frontier.

What was happening? Hanging his head, Jason admitted that he usually lasted “only” about 10 minutes, a problem that had bothered him for years. It took almost 30 minutes to educate Jason that 10 minutes was more than respectable, that he shouldn’t base his self-esteem on his ability to control ejaculation, and that sex didn’t have to be a performance, and another 20 minutes for Jason to realize my point. In one session, a case of early ejaculation solved!

For a full list of activities to help overcome a situation like this, as well as tips for improving erectile function and sexual confidence, check out Stephanie Buehler’s book What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know About Sex.